A Leopard Made of Two Men
In which Joe is confronted by a meddlesome rabble.
Day -163, April 1, 5:40:44am
The telephone rings. Joe rolls over and picks up the phone:
Joe: | Ma? |
Voice: | Is this Joseph Takanara of Brooklyn? |
Joe: | Who is this? |
Voice: | This is Hal Phillip of WKAF. You’ve just won! |
Joe: | Huh? What? |
Voice: | That’s right. You’ve won! |
Joe: | [groggy] Won? I didn’t do anything. |
Voice: | You’ve won the first April Fool’s day joke of the day! |
Joe: | Go screw yourself, Carlin! It’s Sunday morning! |
Voice: | C’mon, I got up early… WUAF—like Wake Up it’s April Fools! |
Joe: | Like hell you got up early. You’re still up from last night. |
Voice: | [Laughter] |
Joe slams the phone down and goes back to sleep.
Day -162, April 2nd, 6:35:44am
He grabs a mug from the cabinet that reads “Mean People Suck” and pours himself a cup of coffee. He stares at it. The liquid in the cup. He picks the cup up and reads the words he’s read a thousand times again. “Mean People Suck” He laughs without mirth. “Ha. Ha. Ha.” He looks at the words again and then at the Brooklyn Bridge across the next roof. He raises his mug, “They sure fucking do!” He waits for the bridge to respond but only reflections of the early morning sun from glass of passing cars and trucks shines out at him. “Ha! Fucking ha! Hilarious isn’t it!?” Setting the coffee cup down he puts his head into his hands over the sink that drips.
Day -159, April 5th, 6:49:13am
Joe stands back from the water as he lets the hot water get going in the shower. As soon as it starts steaming he begins the delicate process of adjusting the cold water in millimeter turns to get that just-right-warm-water temperature. He steps into the water and lets it wash over him, running his hands through his mop of wavy hair. He always shampoos first, to keep dirt from elsewhere from getting into his hair. Then he works his way down from the top.
Day -156, April 9th, 6:49:47am
Joe stands back from the water as he lets the hot water get going in the shower. As soon as it starts steaming he begins the delicate process of adjusting the cold water in millimeter turns to get that just-right-warm-water temperature. He steps into the water and lets it wash over him, running his hands through his mop of wavy hair. Without warning the water goes suddenly cold and he says, “Shit,” and steps out of the water to let it adjust. Somebody flushed a toilet. He chuckles.
Day -152, April 12th, 6:50:42am
Joe stands back from the water as he lets the hot water get going in the shower. As soon as it starts steaming he begins the delicate process of adjusting the cold water in millimeter turns to get that just-right-warm-water temperature. He steps into the water and lets it wash over him, running his hands through his mop of wavy
Day -146, April 18th, 6:47:23pm
Coming down York street from the F train station, Joe sees people in costumes up and down the street. Further on, he can see a gathering of people playing music and dancing about. About halfway down the hill he spots one unusual costume in particular—a two-man outfit that resembles one of the foo monsters of legend that his mother sometimes told him about. It is yellow and brown like a leopard with tassels and shiny string falling all around it, swishing through the air as the costumed duo bounce around within it. Joe sees for a moment the view of ran falling just past the bridge when the rain has not yet reached across the Hudson from Jersey and most of the sky is still clear. The rain is gathering.
Lots of other costumed people are gathering in the streets and from slightly behind the oriental leopard—underneath the dancing and laughing—the sound of a beating a bongo. As the group swells closer, Joe thinks about crossing the street. This motley crew makes him nervous. He decides not to cross the street though because they are having fun and he knows he should relax and enjoy the moment and he doesn’t want to offend them by making them think he had only crossed the street because of their noise and excited behavior… and the thoughts carol through his head like that as he watches the revelers. Suddenly, two girls dressed in coral reef colored bikinis, stockings drenched in glitter, fins on their arms, headdresses inlaid with giant yellow sunglass lenses, break away from the commotion and run around Joe in circles, laughing. He looks at them as they run and duck and he tries to smile in kind, but can’t quite disguise his wariness. Why were they drawing attention to him? What had he done to deserve this?
Before he realizes it, the pair of strange marshals have guided the entire commotion down upon him and he is surrounded by laughing and smiling and the beating bongo and jangling bells and the looming mouth of the leopard creature, moving in time, opening and closing, with the dancing. He is swept up by the ruckus. Whenever he tries to step aside, someone is there to smile at him maniacally and block his progress. Despite any effort he is corralled by the crowd toward the river. One of the two girlfish laughs and says, “Where’s your costume!?”
The other girl says, “He’s wearing it! He’s a simple blue-collar worker confused by the lunatics!”
Joe doesn’t muster a laugh at the joke. He hated feeling out of place. He just tries to break their orbit, moving away from the slowly away between them. The leopard is directly in front of him and suddenly from inside he hears, “Hey, Joe!” Trying hard to see inside the leopard costume, peering through the mouth as it bobs open and shut, Joe can’t make out the occupant. “C’mon, Joe! Don’t mind Jodie. We’re going to a costume party—some collective over in the warehouses!. Come with us!”
The voice remains a mystery still for a moment, muffled by its hollow paper maché container. Then, the phone call. Carlin. Joe just waves the group off with one hand and continues to try to slip by. Almost without realizing it the group was suddenly behind him. He could breathe again. “See ya’ later, Joe!” the leopard calls. Joe shakes his head, looks after the leopard. All he can make out beneath the sequined costume is two pairs of nondescript tennis shoes and two pairs of torn up jeans. Idiot
Read the whole thread: The Hunger Engine
Characters and Places: Carlin Landingham, DUMBO, Haruko Takanara, Jodie Copeland, Joe Takanara